If you think of finding a solution on how to save your precious marriage with this book,i wont waste too much time on it giving it a thought! This is one of the books written from the authors point of view,and will make you feel guilty.

from ALTER EGO in Tula OK
Rating: 1 / 5

If there were a 2.5 stars selection I’d give it to this book.

Average in nature, it gives a reader a common sense approach, step by step, as the title touts. It is divided into three sections, first the “nuts and bolts” of the approach to helping the marriage. The second section tells the reader that communication is key and breaking the bad habits that you’ve made in your marriage. “Change yourself to change your marriage” is the premise. The third section primarily tells the reader to keep going with those newly formed habits and questions the reader “is working on my marriage working?” It gives a basic real world look at the union for the reader to decide if they want to keep the union together.

The first section is an absolute snore, I’m a psychology major and it bored me to death. I read on, hoping it would become more interesting. Lots of clinical jargon that didn’t even interest me with my college background, I studied that years ago. Not considering my jaded point of view from my studies in my opinion the average reader would not be able to wade through the clinical language and concepts presented.

It tells briefly some statistics of how marriage affects children, even into adulthood. The children feel as if the marriage falling apart were their faults and it haunts them for years to come. By using scare tactics such as that it apparently urges the reader to keep the union together because of the kids but basically in the same paragraph negates itself, telling the reader to not keep a loveless marriage in tact “just because of the kids”.

That being considered the average reader looking for marriage advice would put the book down less than halfway through the first section. It explains the concept of Solution-Oriented Brief Therapy, a “quick fix” type therapy that focuses on the end product of what would like to be achieved rather than focusing on the path that caused you to be where you’re at. My thoughts in reaction to that is for the reader to put on rose colored glasses and focus on the end product rather than the things between A and B.

The second section of the book is slightly more interesting although no real brain power needed. It’s the basic advice you’ll find in any marriage counseling book or website. “Communication is key” communicate to your spouse using “I” statements so that it’s non-confrontational. It does give some case studies showing the different dynamics for couples with the same problem, thus showing that not every couple is the same and won’t have the same “fix” for their problems.

It stresses breaking old, destructive habits that interfere with your relationship. This again is basic advice. Break the old, replace with new, more effective habits. Other advice is to make yourself happy and by that your spouse will be happy. Be kind to your spouse and it will return tri-fold to you, because you’re kind the spouse will be pleasantly surprised and return the favor.

The third section asks the reader if they feel that the changes have been effective and how they will continue to affect the relationship. Either the book has done one of two things at this point, it has helped and the changes necessary have been made or it’s been completely useless and the inevitable answer to that question will be “no”.

“A particular kind of problem doesn’t necessarily lead to divorce; it’s the unwillingness to change that destroys marriages”. (pg 218) Obviously change is needed to preserve a union, otherwise a reader would have never picked up this book. It questions the reader if they’ve given the changes enough time to work, this goes back to negate the first chapter where it states this is Solution Oriented Brief Therapy, brief being the operative word.

Suggestions are made to talk to other people about it or seek counseling from a licensed family or marriage counselor. With that in mind the counselor will be using a totally different technique than that described in the book as it’s not widely viewed as effective in the long run.

The book offers some parting words, not necessarily a fourth section but included anyway. It offers a congratulations to the reader for actually finishing the book, urges them to seek further help and to keep those positive habits going. It tells the reader to let go of grudges that prevent them from moving forward with the relationship. Bear in mind that a stress point is to keep the reader from “going through the motions” of fixing things without really trying, obviously that’s counterproductive.

“It reminds people that the vast majority of relationship problems are solvable and the vast majority of marriages are worth the effort required to make them work.” Is the final words offered to the reader, it sums up what the beginning of the book explains to him/her.

Overall I’d not recommend this book or technique to someone with marital problems, there are far more effective ways to solve problems in my opinion. At least I only paid $4 for it.
Rating: 2 / 5

I found this book very helpful in understanding what I can do to make things better. I recommend this to anyone who wants their marriage to succeed and thrive.
Rating: 4 / 5